San Diego – – October 02, 2026 -- A national survey of 5,000 U.S. adults has found that Americans rate a family birthday party as a more awkward setting for discussing inheritance than a funeral, upending assumptions about when families confront estate planning. Trust & Will's 2026 Death & Inheritance Report found 63% of respondents call a birthday the most awkward occasion for the conversation, compared with 41% for a funeral or wake and just 32% for an ordinary phone call.
Christmas ranks as both the top trigger and the top occasion families avoid
Christmas is the most common holiday prompt for inheritance discussions, cited by 16% of respondents, yet it is simultaneously the occasion Americans most actively avoid for the same topic, at 37% -- more than double any other occasion and the top avoidance answer in all 50 states.
Most conversations happen with no occasion at all
Thanksgiving, often assumed to be the default setting for family financial talk, ranks eighth as a trigger at just 6%, with only 5% saying their most recent conversation actually occurred there. Instead, 22% of Americans say the topic simply comes up unprompted, and 38% of the most recent conversations took place during an ordinary visit or phone call.
Nearly half expect an inheritance that has never been confirmed
46% of Americans expect to receive an inheritance, but half of that group has never had it formally confirmed by the person leaving it. Among those expecting an inheritance, 12% expect to inherit debts or liabilities. Of 4,304 respondents who lost a close family member in the past five years, 40% say that person died without a complete estate plan -- 28% with none at all and 12% with an outdated or incomplete one.
Women start the conversation more often, but men hold more of the information
Women initiate inheritance discussions in their families more than men, 42% to 38%, and cover more topics when they do. Yet 56% of men know where family estate documents are kept versus 44% of women, and men are more likely to expect an inheritance (55% vs. 40%), a gap that persists after controlling for age.
Recent loss and personal planning double the odds of family conversation
Americans who lost a close family member within the past year are more than twice as likely to have discussed inheritance recently, 65% versus 31% for those without a recent loss. Those who have completed their own will or trust are more than three times as likely to report that the relative they lost also had one, 63% versus 18%.
State-level gaps show New York toughest, North Dakota easiest
New York ranks as the hardest state for raising the topic during an ordinary phone call, with 50% calling it awkward versus 32% nationally, while North Dakota is the easiest state on three of the five occasions measured. Kentucky has the highest share of residents, 36%, who have never had the conversation at all. The Southeast is most likely to use Christmas as a conversation trigger and least likely to avoid it, while the West shows the opposite pattern.
"We expected families to put this off because it's about death. What the data actually shows is that they put it off because it's about joy, and nobody wants to be the one who brings estate planning to a birthday party," said Cody Barbo, Co-Founder and CEO of Trust & Will.